Man, I've really been so lazy to write in this blog.
Who reads this anyhow? YOU....weirdo. Stalking me... Hahahaha.
So what's to say. Work....Studies....Stuff....
Work is alright. In a dillema, because as of August 1, day of my last exam, I am totally free, so what's to do. It just doesn't seem smart to just continue doing part-time, money is crap. That IS a fact. But I endured it because it work worked well with the flexibility I need/needed for my studies. So my initial plan, after school's done was to find another job, for the day. An easy job, you know cashiering? Video stall rental? Yeah that's right, I'm so freaking lazy to get any sort of work experience. Kind of procrastinating that as well. Damn, what a lazy bloody ass'ed unmotivated person I am. Considering I finish in August...But I will only physically get my Degree...papers/transcipts all that official'ness stuff only in April 2010...that is 7-8-9 months from then, I just figure, Take the year do someting easy, and pay off my study payments fees. Seemed like a okay plan. But NOW....offered a new opportunity. Captain? Assistant Manager? No way am I qualified for Manager. It seems totally cool though, but I know I have no experience in that, who the hell am I to say I am. bassically the only main thing holding me back for readily accepting this offer is:
1) I love my current job
2) I love the people (generally) at my job, the atmosphere family friend, sorta cool relaxed atmosphere, very chill
3) I love working with the people around, obviously except for the 1,2 morons who shall remain unnamed
4) I feel so loyal to my company that I just CAN'T quit
5) They've treated me really well, to take the job offer, means to quit within a month, which is so rude.
So how? I really don't know. I wish I had more time, I wish this scenario only popped up after all my assignments/exams are all done, I would feel a bit less stressed and less pressurized. Oh well...no promises to no one yet. It's a wait and see for now.
15 days till I turn 23. I hate that number, 23..... Ugh. 22 is tolerable, because it's just a year above 21, but 23 is just so blugh, 24 is = full-pledged adult. God, I'm such an underachieved 22 year old ever. I still feel 16-17, I find things that 16-17 year olds do more appealing then what people my age are "suppose" to do. Luckily, and I am thankful my few closest friends find that true too.
Hmm...what else to say? My knee...right knee specifically is in pain, I don't know why.
Study wise, I haven't done anything. And I mean anything to do my daily review of topics. Just focused on meeting the assignment deadlines for now. This Sunday is the first day of my bridging class...Business Communication. It seems so vague. Communication...it can mean so many different topics. Oh well, I just hope it's none of that e-mail etiquette, business report writting crap. I just hope it's a fairly simple to do subject to do the assignment and study for the exam. Really is a blessing that I'm doing THIS module now, if I were to be doing the Law module (which thankfully is only in December) now, I think I'd be more stressed, because there is a LOT of reading to be done is such a small time frame. So at least my core UNISA modules won't be distracting me of studying.
Money $$ - After August I am determined to save up. I've been spending a lot, but I tel myself to enjoy it for now, because my friends are in Singapore, so just enjoy these months, come August when they all abandon me, yet again. Time to save up. Think I'm going to use this blog as well, to keep track of expenses, because nowadays I really don't understand why I barely have anything left at the end of the month.
My July salary is going to be ubber crap. Think I'll be lucky to hit $400 for a whole month. Damn...that's all my basic expenses right there. Laptop....School Payment....Bus Fare.... $100'ish allowance. Bah....Money come, Money go. Oh well.
My rooms are a mess, maybe I'll go clean it up now...or not.
Tuesday, June 30, 2009
Tuesday, June 23, 2009
tuesday
Feeling very tired, hence this will be short.
Was semi-productive today, went to the National library, and only now do I realize how massive this building is, and how great the facilities are and how many resources there are. though it amazed me at the amount of people just abusing the space, free aircon, couches..etc. ungrateful.
no work. today, tomorow and the day after.
plan to go see Transformers on thursday, call it crazy because its opening day, tickets are going to be hot.
i started up on my research which is impressive, considering this assignments is due july 13. woot. i pat myself on my back for really getting a headstart. the other project is idle, but i will somehow get to it, to meet my groups set deadline, which is next monday. sigh. this assignment has so much potential to be interesting and capturing, but seems like just another deadline for everyone else, that the interest is just not there, the goal only to get text on paper. pity.
a bit annoyed by the lack of communication between my group, as usual. damn frustrating.
so let's see.
june 29-july 5:
mon - group deadline
tue - work
wed - work
thur - work
fri - work
sat - work
sun - bridging class
july 6 - july 12
mon - assignment deadline // bridging class
tue - bridging class
wed - bridging class
thur - work
fri - work
sat - work
sun - bridging assignment due
july 13 - july 19
mon - service excellence workshop // assignment due
tue - work
wed - work
thur - work // study // BDAY
fri - study
sat - study
sun - bridging EXAM
july 20 - july 26
mon - work/study
tue - work/study
wed - work/study
thur - work/study
fri - work/study
sat - EXAM
sun - work
july 27 - august 1
mon - work/study
tue - work/study
wed - work/study
thur - work/study
fri - work/study
sat - LAST EXAM FOR UNISA CLASSES WOOT WOOT!!!!
wow, i actually had quite a lot to write, but i'm just really too tired to do so, will get to it.
Was semi-productive today, went to the National library, and only now do I realize how massive this building is, and how great the facilities are and how many resources there are. though it amazed me at the amount of people just abusing the space, free aircon, couches..etc. ungrateful.
no work. today, tomorow and the day after.
plan to go see Transformers on thursday, call it crazy because its opening day, tickets are going to be hot.
i started up on my research which is impressive, considering this assignments is due july 13. woot. i pat myself on my back for really getting a headstart. the other project is idle, but i will somehow get to it, to meet my groups set deadline, which is next monday. sigh. this assignment has so much potential to be interesting and capturing, but seems like just another deadline for everyone else, that the interest is just not there, the goal only to get text on paper. pity.
a bit annoyed by the lack of communication between my group, as usual. damn frustrating.
so let's see.
june 29-july 5:
mon - group deadline
tue - work
wed - work
thur - work
fri - work
sat - work
sun - bridging class
july 6 - july 12
mon - assignment deadline // bridging class
tue - bridging class
wed - bridging class
thur - work
fri - work
sat - work
sun - bridging assignment due
july 13 - july 19
mon - service excellence workshop // assignment due
tue - work
wed - work
thur - work // study // BDAY
fri - study
sat - study
sun - bridging EXAM
july 20 - july 26
mon - work/study
tue - work/study
wed - work/study
thur - work/study
fri - work/study
sat - EXAM
sun - work
july 27 - august 1
mon - work/study
tue - work/study
wed - work/study
thur - work/study
fri - work/study
sat - LAST EXAM FOR UNISA CLASSES WOOT WOOT!!!!
wow, i actually had quite a lot to write, but i'm just really too tired to do so, will get to it.
Thursday, June 18, 2009
3:06am - draft finished.
but major editing needed, which i will do in a few hours. now, time to sleep.
gosh, i hate this assignment. why the subjects too easy, and its too crappishly written.
damn! im not satisfied AT ALL. i hate the current draft, super crappy. so alas, tomorow no choice, i only got a few hours before the deadline, so die die must get it done toms
but major editing needed, which i will do in a few hours. now, time to sleep.
gosh, i hate this assignment. why the subjects too easy, and its too crappishly written.
damn! im not satisfied AT ALL. i hate the current draft, super crappy. so alas, tomorow no choice, i only got a few hours before the deadline, so die die must get it done toms
ridiculous
its 11:58 and i have just one paragraph written, my introduction
its bloody freaking unacceptable.
i will not allow myself to go to sleep until i have 1000 words done.
now to get off this thing...blog. goodness, all this procrastinating is really really ridiculous
its bloody freaking unacceptable.
i will not allow myself to go to sleep until i have 1000 words done.
now to get off this thing...blog. goodness, all this procrastinating is really really ridiculous
Wednesday, June 17, 2009
annoying ass printer
Here's a funny joke I sort of just made up now. beware, it just screams lameness.
Essays = Sound like = Ass Says = Bullshitting!
So that's my take on essssssssays.
So I got most of the research, a matter of reading it and filtering out the amount of stuff that there is. I really don't know what's more annoying, having over a hundred of pages to print, and having the most craptastic printer ever, where I have to feed individually each page, because this printers such utter crap. and half way through the toner runs out. lovely. SO i have about a third of my research printed out, and the rest still has to be read on my laptop screen. i hate to read, many pages like that, I jsut don't absorb, but if I have physical paper it's just so much more easier to scribble and highlight and stuff.
alright, i must be determined by tomorow i have a full draft written out. I must must must have that. i don't understand why this is so much of a challenge to me, because i find the assignment topic. pretty easy and straight forward, am i just complicating myself by wanting to excell and like over do it.
I'm sure lecturers now would say, no HD paper can ever be written in 24 hours. but i appreciated the fact that this lecturer said the papers are purely based on quality merits, so i liked the fact that effort (time spent) is not graded, as in one could read 100 journals on a topic and write an average paper, while one can read 5-6 in 3 hours and write a fantastic paper. i aim to be one of those "fantastic papers". i aim for that, but alas, like that favourite quote, i always quote, such a cynical quote it is.....no expectations, no dissapointments. so simple and so true.
i could really bitch about other things here, but naw i won't. time to lay off, rest my brain, rest my eyes. i swear i am on my laptop way to long everyday. work was cool, newbie is cool very relatable. so it's exciting. a breath of fresh air as some would say, kinda fun to have someone to chat with, who actually understand and appreciate what you got to say.
time to get some shut eye. gonna wake up in 4-5 hours, and get a cracking on this High distinction paper. woot woot.
Essays = Sound like = Ass Says = Bullshitting!
So that's my take on essssssssays.
So I got most of the research, a matter of reading it and filtering out the amount of stuff that there is. I really don't know what's more annoying, having over a hundred of pages to print, and having the most craptastic printer ever, where I have to feed individually each page, because this printers such utter crap. and half way through the toner runs out. lovely. SO i have about a third of my research printed out, and the rest still has to be read on my laptop screen. i hate to read, many pages like that, I jsut don't absorb, but if I have physical paper it's just so much more easier to scribble and highlight and stuff.
alright, i must be determined by tomorow i have a full draft written out. I must must must have that. i don't understand why this is so much of a challenge to me, because i find the assignment topic. pretty easy and straight forward, am i just complicating myself by wanting to excell and like over do it.
I'm sure lecturers now would say, no HD paper can ever be written in 24 hours. but i appreciated the fact that this lecturer said the papers are purely based on quality merits, so i liked the fact that effort (time spent) is not graded, as in one could read 100 journals on a topic and write an average paper, while one can read 5-6 in 3 hours and write a fantastic paper. i aim to be one of those "fantastic papers". i aim for that, but alas, like that favourite quote, i always quote, such a cynical quote it is.....no expectations, no dissapointments. so simple and so true.
i could really bitch about other things here, but naw i won't. time to lay off, rest my brain, rest my eyes. i swear i am on my laptop way to long everyday. work was cool, newbie is cool very relatable. so it's exciting. a breath of fresh air as some would say, kinda fun to have someone to chat with, who actually understand and appreciate what you got to say.
time to get some shut eye. gonna wake up in 4-5 hours, and get a cracking on this High distinction paper. woot woot.
stuffs
Today is the 17th, 10 days into my so-called "study schedule" besides the due'd assignment I have still accomplished zilch in reviewing the topics. Oh well, after I've finished this upcoming assignment that's due this Friday, I am determined to get back on track.
Actually I shouldn't be typing this, instead I should be doing my research for my assignment, that I'm probably going to spend my whole off day tomorow composing. Ha, "composing" how intellectual I'm trying to sound, rubbish. Anyway, that's that. I got about an hour or so before I head off to work to do a little bit of research, so much for waking up early and spending 5-6 hours to do that, instead I spent those 5-6 hours wasting away.
The more and more, I look at my calendar with upcoming due dates and such, the more and more I am getting worried for July, because I got so much crammed in this month, and I just hope my procrastinating expertise will not drown me. Oh well, things will get done someway or another. I just hope it's of good quality.
Upcoming assignments, I do find the topics interesting, which is odd, because that would usually be my motivating force to get me up and running and get the work done to a top quality, but still nothing. I do NOT wanting to be rushing to the last minute on Friday. Alright, I write it here, my goal by the end of tomorow I have a full draft written, with excellent sources and unique key points. For some reason, I want to realy stand out in this topic, I don't just want it to be a C or D paper, I want the marker to be like Wow, HD well deserved, so well written bla bla bla. But who the hell am I kidding, I never ever gotten an HD graded paper. Wait, that's a lie, only my first Ethics Assignment, other then that na-da.
Anyway. There's this thing that's been bugging the hell out of me these days, and it just really really just irritates me. I do try my best to just ignore it. I mean I'll acknowledge it and all, but I just want to forget I ever heard such comments. Even when I was younger, say middle-school I'll say something about my school-work load and my older brother would always go "Hmmph wait until your in high-school, the work is just like 10 times as hard". So eventually I get into high-school and sure I'll comment on the workload then the comments are "Hmmph wait until your in University, the work is just like 20 times as hard". So yeah, I go to university and sure enough what's the comments "Hmmph wait until you work in the real life, it's just like 100 times as hard". Gosh. It's just realy irritating. You know I understand the workload is diferent, but it doesn't make it as more important than another. It just pisses me off so much, what makes your work so much more harder/important? I hate the fact that people think I have such a carefree life, oh just study part-time, you got loads of time to read up and do your assignments, while meanwhil I'm so stressed with work, deadlines bla bla bla. You know, I'll listen, I'll even comfort them, but sometimes it's just like enough already. stop whining. How old are you? How old and I? I think it just comes with that territory. I'm sick of whining people, of how they are so stressed and how I am apparently so carefree. Oh so good life, no stress. Fuck you! I just want to say. Too many times really. But thankfully, I have controlled those thoughts. Some people are just so negatively driven, and what's the most bitch move I feel, is that they sitll score fairly well, so it's like stop bullshitting around, and shut up.
Alright, enough of that. When I start writting vulgarities, it's bad. It's bad enough that I have quite a sailor's mouth at work, I don't want it to be here, but this just shows just how much this topic irritates me.
I know I can be quite the hypocrite, by the rants I make on here, but I myself am such a hmmm focus on the negative type of person, that's only when I get really emo, and that only happens when I have too much to think about. So I must really learn and practice to be a bit more carefree. like a leaf flying with the wind, hahaha a damn funny quote I heard, because it's just really a bit too cliched and uncreative.
so I'm off. Must concentrate on getting a few good sources for this essay. essssay..why do I love how that word sounds. kinda like "assss-sayyyy". this is a lame observation from me, yes. Finish this assignment. then back to babysitting. Ha, damn babies.
Actually I shouldn't be typing this, instead I should be doing my research for my assignment, that I'm probably going to spend my whole off day tomorow composing. Ha, "composing" how intellectual I'm trying to sound, rubbish. Anyway, that's that. I got about an hour or so before I head off to work to do a little bit of research, so much for waking up early and spending 5-6 hours to do that, instead I spent those 5-6 hours wasting away.
The more and more, I look at my calendar with upcoming due dates and such, the more and more I am getting worried for July, because I got so much crammed in this month, and I just hope my procrastinating expertise will not drown me. Oh well, things will get done someway or another. I just hope it's of good quality.
Upcoming assignments, I do find the topics interesting, which is odd, because that would usually be my motivating force to get me up and running and get the work done to a top quality, but still nothing. I do NOT wanting to be rushing to the last minute on Friday. Alright, I write it here, my goal by the end of tomorow I have a full draft written, with excellent sources and unique key points. For some reason, I want to realy stand out in this topic, I don't just want it to be a C or D paper, I want the marker to be like Wow, HD well deserved, so well written bla bla bla. But who the hell am I kidding, I never ever gotten an HD graded paper. Wait, that's a lie, only my first Ethics Assignment, other then that na-da.
Anyway. There's this thing that's been bugging the hell out of me these days, and it just really really just irritates me. I do try my best to just ignore it. I mean I'll acknowledge it and all, but I just want to forget I ever heard such comments. Even when I was younger, say middle-school I'll say something about my school-work load and my older brother would always go "Hmmph wait until your in high-school, the work is just like 10 times as hard". So eventually I get into high-school and sure I'll comment on the workload then the comments are "Hmmph wait until your in University, the work is just like 20 times as hard". So yeah, I go to university and sure enough what's the comments "Hmmph wait until you work in the real life, it's just like 100 times as hard". Gosh. It's just realy irritating. You know I understand the workload is diferent, but it doesn't make it as more important than another. It just pisses me off so much, what makes your work so much more harder/important? I hate the fact that people think I have such a carefree life, oh just study part-time, you got loads of time to read up and do your assignments, while meanwhil I'm so stressed with work, deadlines bla bla bla. You know, I'll listen, I'll even comfort them, but sometimes it's just like enough already. stop whining. How old are you? How old and I? I think it just comes with that territory. I'm sick of whining people, of how they are so stressed and how I am apparently so carefree. Oh so good life, no stress. Fuck you! I just want to say. Too many times really. But thankfully, I have controlled those thoughts. Some people are just so negatively driven, and what's the most bitch move I feel, is that they sitll score fairly well, so it's like stop bullshitting around, and shut up.
Alright, enough of that. When I start writting vulgarities, it's bad. It's bad enough that I have quite a sailor's mouth at work, I don't want it to be here, but this just shows just how much this topic irritates me.
I know I can be quite the hypocrite, by the rants I make on here, but I myself am such a hmmm focus on the negative type of person, that's only when I get really emo, and that only happens when I have too much to think about. So I must really learn and practice to be a bit more carefree. like a leaf flying with the wind, hahaha a damn funny quote I heard, because it's just really a bit too cliched and uncreative.
so I'm off. Must concentrate on getting a few good sources for this essay. essssay..why do I love how that word sounds. kinda like "assss-sayyyy". this is a lame observation from me, yes. Finish this assignment. then back to babysitting. Ha, damn babies.
Sunday, June 14, 2009
quickie.
am tired. the two 10-10 shifts are now over. time to rest and sleep.
tomorow got a busy day. literally got the day to start, write, and finish edit and submit my first assignment. wow...this is real last minute work, so if I get a lousy grade, I only got myself to blame, puting it off, so last minute yet again.
somewhat of a busy week ahead.
monday - rush assignment, evening work
tuesday - start assignment, and meet study group
wednedsay - start other assignment, and research, evening work (plus suppose to train a newbie)
thursday - rush the other assignment, and HOPEFULLY i will submit by then so that friday i can chill for the week
friday - if havent submit must spend my day finishing off tat assignment, then evening work
saturday - find something for fathers day then work
sunday - celebrate the day wit my dad
yep, the week after that, should be slower. slow is always good
alright, that's all for today, my body's shacked, but tips for the past two days exceeded 100 bucks, so i'm happy and satisfied. tired. two days work (8 x 11) x 2 + 100 = $272 not bad.
one last random blurb. men are wolves, it's pathetic. i kinda pity the newbie, because of all the oogling that's going to occur. i kinda hope we click straight away considering we have the same growing up story'ish. oh well, we'll see.
good night, internet!
am tired. the two 10-10 shifts are now over. time to rest and sleep.
tomorow got a busy day. literally got the day to start, write, and finish edit and submit my first assignment. wow...this is real last minute work, so if I get a lousy grade, I only got myself to blame, puting it off, so last minute yet again.
somewhat of a busy week ahead.
monday - rush assignment, evening work
tuesday - start assignment, and meet study group
wednedsay - start other assignment, and research, evening work (plus suppose to train a newbie)
thursday - rush the other assignment, and HOPEFULLY i will submit by then so that friday i can chill for the week
friday - if havent submit must spend my day finishing off tat assignment, then evening work
saturday - find something for fathers day then work
sunday - celebrate the day wit my dad
yep, the week after that, should be slower. slow is always good
alright, that's all for today, my body's shacked, but tips for the past two days exceeded 100 bucks, so i'm happy and satisfied. tired. two days work (8 x 11) x 2 + 100 = $272 not bad.
one last random blurb. men are wolves, it's pathetic. i kinda pity the newbie, because of all the oogling that's going to occur. i kinda hope we click straight away considering we have the same growing up story'ish. oh well, we'll see.
good night, internet!
Friday, June 12, 2009
it's 12:51am now, I want to have finished writting this post by 1am
just a quickie, because i need to go sleep. gotta get up in a few hours and back to work.
next two days are pretty tiring shift, full day, doing opening duties and both lunch and dinner services. anyhow, it's do-able, i've done it too many times now, i don't really know why i'm complaining about that now.
assignment wise, my productivity in the 6 hours i spend in the library this morning, pretty crap, written 350/1000 words, but it's pretty craptastic at the moment, so quite a bit of editing and stuff, still got research to do and readings. ugh.
got an email from the school reminding us to check out our grade postings, seems like there's quite a percentage of fails for this MA module, yeah it was a killer, and I thank God again I passed.
Thank-You!
work wise, same ol' same ol' pretty quiet for a Friday evening, it was actually boring actually.
ok off to sleep. Zzzz hey it's only 12:56am now ..
next two days are pretty tiring shift, full day, doing opening duties and both lunch and dinner services. anyhow, it's do-able, i've done it too many times now, i don't really know why i'm complaining about that now.
assignment wise, my productivity in the 6 hours i spend in the library this morning, pretty crap, written 350/1000 words, but it's pretty craptastic at the moment, so quite a bit of editing and stuff, still got research to do and readings. ugh.
got an email from the school reminding us to check out our grade postings, seems like there's quite a percentage of fails for this MA module, yeah it was a killer, and I thank God again I passed.
Thank-You!
work wise, same ol' same ol' pretty quiet for a Friday evening, it was actually boring actually.
ok off to sleep. Zzzz hey it's only 12:56am now ..
Thursday, June 11, 2009
unproductiveness + amazing canadian band
It's, for all technical terms, Friday. So 5 days into my study plan, and I have accomplished Zilch! This is pretty pathetic. But Alas, I keep telling myself, the work gets done, the marks are decent'ish (excluding all the accounting crap) so need to stress so much on being disciplined in my study plan. My "plan" says that I should have accomplished doing a read through and taking notes for the first two topics of both modules, but like I said I have accomplished nil. Tomorow is my last free time to start on my Strategy Management assignment, as my weekend is packed full with two back-to-back 10am-10pm shifts. Kinda asked for it though, the tiredness, I could have just taken the initial one shift, but why I still okay'ed the two shifts. Oh well, too late to change, guess Monday will be (as usual) rushing through to finish, minutes before the due date exact time. Why was I so disciplined when I was doing that ethics module? Ironic eh?
I am absolutely happy, that I have passed Management Accounting. So this is the last of the three horrible accounting modules, that I had to do, and now it's all over, the marks went from bad to crap (but above a pass, that's all that matters). Credit --> P1 --> P2 .. all the way downgrade, but all the way the subject was just ununderstandable to me. I find it very odd, because in Financial Accounting the lecturer was top notch, organized and I totally understood the material in the four days lecture, then he abandons us, and I nearly died. Same goes for Management Accounting, I really enjoyed class, the way the lecturer explained the stuff and made it relatable to everyday instances made me want to do so well in that class, yet I still bombed it. But I'll gladly take a P2, as I just cannot afford a fail, I can't afford the $2000 it would have cost to retake, nor can I afford to prolongue my graduation. It's just one of these subjects that I will just never excel in. But thank-u God, for getting me through those three extremely challenging topics.
So I am on my last two modules, both are alright. I can't explain why but I want to do really well for the ICHRM class, kinda want to show the lecturer something. It's inexplicable why that is so though. So that is my driving force, I don't just want to do well, I want to do brilliant! Ha... how optimistic of me.
Yep, the tunnel is coming to the end of its journey, I can't believe it I have finished and passed 10 modules, the end is near. Though my last day of UNISA class is August 1, Still have two classes in November and December, kinda lousy timing but nothing that I can do about that. The more and more, I see the end of this journey in my life, the whole studying bit, the more i don't want it to be the end.
Why? Because I am so unsure, I don't know what I want. Is it because I am so pessimistic? So materialistic? Mr Basil Tucker, said something that so stuck with me in class, and it's so applicable to me. I actually love this question, it's kinda so simple, so straight forward yet it answers so much.
THe question: If you had all the money in world, you went on all your vacations, travelled, bought all the cars, houses things you wanted, now you have a life to live, what would you be doing?
THe answer to that, is what I should be doing NOW, and you know I kinda answered that question. If money was no issue, and I was totally satisfied of my naive materialistic wants/needs what WOULD I be doing? I'd be opening my own restaurant, working back and front of house, I'm not looking for a big money making corporation, just a nice smal, unique homey-feel place. Yep, that's what I want. That's my ambition, it really is being an entrepreneur, so why am I studying? Why spend all this money and time to study for a degree which I feel I have gathered so little in return. Knowledge wise, very little. It's a pity to say that, but it's the truth. Sure there are the few classes, the few subjects and the couple of people whom I am highly grateful for, for the things they have shared and taught me. But how am I going to succeed?
I still don't know what I want, for myself. And I know I definitely can't answer this question, not any time soon. No matter how long I would spend reflecting on this topic, I couldn't come to a conclusion. THe pessimistic in me, tells me the reason why that is so, is because the realist in me grabs ambitions and dreams out my heart. I've seen and experienced heart break, faillures too much, to make it feel like just normalcy, big dreams and big ambitions are for the few and very little. ...hmm like I said, this is the pessimistic in me speaking.
Other subject, was at Scape today, saw this incredible band called "Quinzy" this band is awesome, after just having heard 15 minutes of their set, I'm like a die-hard fan now, it's incredible. They got amazing stage presence, and they sound spot on and clean live, and the lead singer is totally emo when he is on stage, i love that, really takes the lyrics and message in them to the next level. I felt really bad for them though, I think the audience was me, the what 5-6 person techincal crew and 4-5 other random strangers, yet they still played (at least it appeared that to me) full blast. Man, they deserved a crowd, they really did. I'm glad I bought both their EP's because I am absolutely LOVING al their songs, not sure under what category they would be under though, rock/pop/indie ish. I feel a bit like a fool, when I approached them and told them they sounded like this other Canadian Band, which I come to realize they actualy don't sound like them at all. I can totally picture it, the four guys at the back going "the hell, we don't sound like OLP" oh well, I'm glad I showed a bit of support.
So that's that. What else, what else can I waste this tiny space of internet on? Oh yes, I am officially broke. Having paid the last chunk of fees due to my upcoming additional classes, I am living on the non-existent tips I get from work. HA!
Speaking of work, I don't know why I feel so obsessive compulsive, I looked up service reviews on the internet. And found a review, when I was reading it, I realized that in that scenario I was the unlucky waitress of which this 'blogger' was complaining and dissing about. I really could go on and on to defend my stance on that, but I won't. No point. But I'll just say, it's like a stab in the heart. Really, though I don't really show it, I do pride in my work, it's bassically all I have at the moment, and to be told off like that. I think what hurts the most was that it felt so unjustified, if this couple was so unhappy with me, why did they not tell me at the time, why only later 'blog' it. It kinda makes this nomination I got for great service from my manager feel totally unmeritted. it doesn't "kinda" make it feel like that, it does completely. You know, just reading that article, I felt gosh I really am such a bad waitress? I'm not worthy. I don't deserve to even be declared the fact that I've been nominated. Ugh. It's funny. I could serve 10 couples, and 9 out of the 10 could say I'm awesome at serving them, and 1 couple could be 'unhappy' well that would totally screw me, like I said, a stab in the heart. Why can I let 1 out of 10 and ignore the 9 others get the best of me? Why do I let the pessimism in me drain me like so?
Gosh, too much thinking tonight. Need to chill, need to stop...stop stop ..
I am absolutely happy, that I have passed Management Accounting. So this is the last of the three horrible accounting modules, that I had to do, and now it's all over, the marks went from bad to crap (but above a pass, that's all that matters). Credit --> P1 --> P2 .. all the way downgrade, but all the way the subject was just ununderstandable to me. I find it very odd, because in Financial Accounting the lecturer was top notch, organized and I totally understood the material in the four days lecture, then he abandons us, and I nearly died. Same goes for Management Accounting, I really enjoyed class, the way the lecturer explained the stuff and made it relatable to everyday instances made me want to do so well in that class, yet I still bombed it. But I'll gladly take a P2, as I just cannot afford a fail, I can't afford the $2000 it would have cost to retake, nor can I afford to prolongue my graduation. It's just one of these subjects that I will just never excel in. But thank-u God, for getting me through those three extremely challenging topics.
So I am on my last two modules, both are alright. I can't explain why but I want to do really well for the ICHRM class, kinda want to show the lecturer something. It's inexplicable why that is so though. So that is my driving force, I don't just want to do well, I want to do brilliant! Ha... how optimistic of me.
Yep, the tunnel is coming to the end of its journey, I can't believe it I have finished and passed 10 modules, the end is near. Though my last day of UNISA class is August 1, Still have two classes in November and December, kinda lousy timing but nothing that I can do about that. The more and more, I see the end of this journey in my life, the whole studying bit, the more i don't want it to be the end.
Why? Because I am so unsure, I don't know what I want. Is it because I am so pessimistic? So materialistic? Mr Basil Tucker, said something that so stuck with me in class, and it's so applicable to me. I actually love this question, it's kinda so simple, so straight forward yet it answers so much.
THe question: If you had all the money in world, you went on all your vacations, travelled, bought all the cars, houses things you wanted, now you have a life to live, what would you be doing?
THe answer to that, is what I should be doing NOW, and you know I kinda answered that question. If money was no issue, and I was totally satisfied of my naive materialistic wants/needs what WOULD I be doing? I'd be opening my own restaurant, working back and front of house, I'm not looking for a big money making corporation, just a nice smal, unique homey-feel place. Yep, that's what I want. That's my ambition, it really is being an entrepreneur, so why am I studying? Why spend all this money and time to study for a degree which I feel I have gathered so little in return. Knowledge wise, very little. It's a pity to say that, but it's the truth. Sure there are the few classes, the few subjects and the couple of people whom I am highly grateful for, for the things they have shared and taught me. But how am I going to succeed?
I still don't know what I want, for myself. And I know I definitely can't answer this question, not any time soon. No matter how long I would spend reflecting on this topic, I couldn't come to a conclusion. THe pessimistic in me, tells me the reason why that is so, is because the realist in me grabs ambitions and dreams out my heart. I've seen and experienced heart break, faillures too much, to make it feel like just normalcy, big dreams and big ambitions are for the few and very little. ...hmm like I said, this is the pessimistic in me speaking.
Other subject, was at Scape today, saw this incredible band called "Quinzy" this band is awesome, after just having heard 15 minutes of their set, I'm like a die-hard fan now, it's incredible. They got amazing stage presence, and they sound spot on and clean live, and the lead singer is totally emo when he is on stage, i love that, really takes the lyrics and message in them to the next level. I felt really bad for them though, I think the audience was me, the what 5-6 person techincal crew and 4-5 other random strangers, yet they still played (at least it appeared that to me) full blast. Man, they deserved a crowd, they really did. I'm glad I bought both their EP's because I am absolutely LOVING al their songs, not sure under what category they would be under though, rock/pop/indie ish. I feel a bit like a fool, when I approached them and told them they sounded like this other Canadian Band, which I come to realize they actualy don't sound like them at all. I can totally picture it, the four guys at the back going "the hell, we don't sound like OLP" oh well, I'm glad I showed a bit of support.
So that's that. What else, what else can I waste this tiny space of internet on? Oh yes, I am officially broke. Having paid the last chunk of fees due to my upcoming additional classes, I am living on the non-existent tips I get from work. HA!
Speaking of work, I don't know why I feel so obsessive compulsive, I looked up service reviews on the internet. And found a review, when I was reading it, I realized that in that scenario I was the unlucky waitress of which this 'blogger' was complaining and dissing about. I really could go on and on to defend my stance on that, but I won't. No point. But I'll just say, it's like a stab in the heart. Really, though I don't really show it, I do pride in my work, it's bassically all I have at the moment, and to be told off like that. I think what hurts the most was that it felt so unjustified, if this couple was so unhappy with me, why did they not tell me at the time, why only later 'blog' it. It kinda makes this nomination I got for great service from my manager feel totally unmeritted. it doesn't "kinda" make it feel like that, it does completely. You know, just reading that article, I felt gosh I really am such a bad waitress? I'm not worthy. I don't deserve to even be declared the fact that I've been nominated. Ugh. It's funny. I could serve 10 couples, and 9 out of the 10 could say I'm awesome at serving them, and 1 couple could be 'unhappy' well that would totally screw me, like I said, a stab in the heart. Why can I let 1 out of 10 and ignore the 9 others get the best of me? Why do I let the pessimism in me drain me like so?
Gosh, too much thinking tonight. Need to chill, need to stop...stop stop ..
Saturday, June 6, 2009
so it starts again
So this must be blog #4 or #5. Honestly, I hope this one stays, even if I don't regularly update it, I do hope to keep some sort of memories of events and how and why I acted the way I do. I think the longest lasting blog I had was up for 2 years, funny because it was during the whole "D" thing, living in the fairy-tale world, happy happy. Yeah, I think life screwed up there, and it's just best I stay away...right now (?).
Anyhow, so what makes me want to do this thing again? Why do I want to "blog" again. Is it I'm so full of anger, rants, too many people irritating the hell out of me. It bugs me that these small things can eat me up like this. So, in reality I will be ranting in this blog, but I hope to do more than that. Reflect on life, like realllllly think about things. Why? How? Why? I guess I can say this Malcolm Keyte guy inspired me to take that time to reflect. Is it because I keep so much in my heart? So much I keep in me, unspoken. Fear of prosecution. Or me being protective?
This entry could be endless, because I do have so many things rummaging through my head, my heart. But I won't go about it, because I'll just feel miserable. So this is my first post, it is of nothing really. I hope to go on with everything else, stay on track with my study schedule. Maybe I'll use this blog to help motivate me to stay on track. Aside from that, I hope I will have enriching experiences, as simple as they may seem, maybe at work or just somewhere me hanging out. Honestly, I want to learn more about myself, change abit, but mostly...grow up. and I hope by taking the time and reflecting on everything thats going on, I will grow up and learn, not just stuff in books but life.
Anyhow, so what makes me want to do this thing again? Why do I want to "blog" again. Is it I'm so full of anger, rants, too many people irritating the hell out of me. It bugs me that these small things can eat me up like this. So, in reality I will be ranting in this blog, but I hope to do more than that. Reflect on life, like realllllly think about things. Why? How? Why? I guess I can say this Malcolm Keyte guy inspired me to take that time to reflect. Is it because I keep so much in my heart? So much I keep in me, unspoken. Fear of prosecution. Or me being protective?
This entry could be endless, because I do have so many things rummaging through my head, my heart. But I won't go about it, because I'll just feel miserable. So this is my first post, it is of nothing really. I hope to go on with everything else, stay on track with my study schedule. Maybe I'll use this blog to help motivate me to stay on track. Aside from that, I hope I will have enriching experiences, as simple as they may seem, maybe at work or just somewhere me hanging out. Honestly, I want to learn more about myself, change abit, but mostly...grow up. and I hope by taking the time and reflecting on everything thats going on, I will grow up and learn, not just stuff in books but life.
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